Regression

Sometimes seeing you doesn't hurt me.

Sometimes I forget you exist.
And sometimes,
I can't get rid of the feeling
that you're breathing down my neck.

You moved on,
so should I.

It's not fair,
you get to move on as if nothing really happened.
As if you didn't hurt me,
ruin me,
taint me.

Why?
Why can you live in such comfort
and I have to stay behind in fear.
Why do I sit in fear,
waiting for the day you might come back.

It's not fair.

It's not fair that the abusers and rapists get to go on,
but we're left standing in wait.
I don't want to be like this.
I don't want to be scared,
or anxious,
or angry.

But I am.

Somedays I walk past you,
two strangers in the night,
my vision unable to recognize your face.

And somedays,
I see you face
and I remember.

and I can't forget
no matter how hard I try.

Halloween normally doesn't scare me
but today
I'm terrified.