Living with Social Anxiety

You don't live with social anxiety.
Living means you accept what you have,
living equals harmony.

There is no harmony.
Social anxiety doesn't coexist harmoniously
with anything.

It clashes, it collides, it commands.
You don't live with it, it controls you.

Even when you think you have it under control,
it keeps you under its thumb
when you least expect it.
'Cause you live under a regime of mental illness,
you can try and try but eventually it continues to consume.

A concept like saying your name and major
asks me to think of my answer 100 times
only to say something completely different and unplanned.
I haven't left my room long enough to properly meet my roommates,
and I stare at myself in the mirror
trying to figure out if I will stand out or look weird.

I change, I shift, and morph into someone
who can blend into their surroundings.
Trying to become a drop of water that will fall into a pond,
and not make even a single ripple.

Yes people scare me,
but I'm equally terrified when I'm alone.

You don't live with your social anxiety,
you barely survive.